Friends

Rule 074 | Venting Is The Best Way To Let Out Hot Air

The Peppers discuss the distinct value of having a group of friends who can love you despite the occasional need for an honest debrief. Gerard asserts that drinking scotch with dudes makes a great backdrop for discussing scripture* while Jessie agrees that having close friendships are a key element to the pursuit of Great Love. Their conversation proves that gender stereotypes do not matter when it comes to communication and despite some overanalyzing, the two learn a ton from completing the full-loop together.

*No confidentiality codes were harmed in the making of this episode.

Thanks to PrepDish, Ritual + Follain for making this episode possible! Click right here to learn more about our sponsors and head to our site for more info about how to support the show.


QUICK BITES:

  • Jessie + Gerard have very different approaches when it comes to walking into a party. Take the Strengthsfinder test to find out if you’re a woo or a relator.

  • Men deal with chronic loneliness more than most people might think. Gerard referenced this piece about masculinity after telling about the men’s retreat that he went on with our church. → “What’s the problem with men in America?”

  • Venting is not an excuse to slap the other person across the face with an insult, it’s about releasing of internal pressure and understanding each other more fully.

  • Take a peek at the full definition of the term triangulation to find out if it could be something that happens in your own marriage.

  • Jessie is a stickler for restaurant service, but she sometimes needs some help when it comes to speaking her mind.

  • Gerard vents his work frustrations when he gets home from work, and Jessie is keen to let him so that they can get it out of the way and get on with their evenings.

  • Using a protective forcefield is key when your partner needs to share but you don’t want your feelings to get hurt. Whether it’s a preface or a footnote: give your partner a head’s up before you launch into a diatribe.

  • Being honest with each other about faith has been something that tends to trip us up when it comes to venting. Waiting until the other person is open to receiving the feedback is the only way we’ve been able to navigate this space, but it’s tempting to blurt things out before your partner is ready to talk.

  • We loved reading The Zim Zum of Love to get a better idea of the connection between us... The idea is this: Marriage is like a magnetic force that deserves to be protected.


TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

  1. Do you consider yourself to be more of a woo or a relator?

  2. If the the wrong meal gets delivered to you at a restaurant, are you more likely to send back your food or just eat it anyway?

  3. How would you describe the difference between venting and complaining?

  4. Who are the people in your life that provide space for accountability and emotional safety?

Rule 040 | Custom Domain Names Make Horrible Baby Gifts

This episode is a long-awaited answer to the most frequently asked question of our entire podcast... Why the heck don't The Peppers have any kids?! Jessie's little brother stops in as our special guest, and he keeps us both in line as the emotions start to flow.

Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, and send us a tweet if you have something to share while you listen!
 

QUICK BITES: 

  • You might remember our special guest from last season when he crashed our closet in NYC, and promptly divulged the story behind one of our dirtiest fights.

  • Jessie tries to be nice when people ask her about having kids, but it’s usually way too tempting to pull out the smart-assery instead.

  • Gerard gets annoyed when people make assumptions about our decision, but Joey reminds us that excitement loves company.

  • The Peppers would have to start sleeping in the same bed again if they had to make room for a nursery.

  • Pre-engagement counseling (yes, that is a thing) was the moment we realized that we saw eye to eye about starting a family.

  • Jessie is worried that her grandmotherly daydreams are never going to happen, but Gerard reassures her that he’ll always be around to pluck her chin hairs.

  • Both sets of our parents have been incredibly understanding about the decision not to have kids, but their own friends have not stopped trying to force the issue.

  • Gerard makes the clear distinction between a decision and a diagnosis.

  • Jessie loses her shit over losing dear friends over such a decisive choice.

  • The Peppers insist that they love hosting families as Casa de Pepper, but parents are better off bringing sippie cups and outlet covers since the baby-proofing has yet to happen.

  • Gerard’s top two celebrity crushes have a baby together, and the wife’s outlook on kids has given Jessie permission to embrace the feeling of a complete family.

  • A shocking admission at the end of the show leaves both Jessie + G with a ton of resolve towards our desire to bless and nurture others.  

 

LOOKING FOR OTHER WAYS TO MAKE AN IMPACT?

The Great Love Gang has shared so many wonderful resources with us over in the Facebook group, and we would love to pass along some of the many ways that YOU can make an impact on the lives of children and families who need extra guidance and support:

  • Impacting Hearts - Weekly mentorship for children currently living in a foster home. (Los Angeles / Orange County)
  • Safe Families - Short term foster care and family assistance. (70 US Cities)
  • CASA - An organization that connects volunteers with at-risk youth who need the constant adult presence that many of them lack. (49 US states)
  • Buckner International - Volunteer opportunities for four different types of family ministries. (Texas + Abroad)
  • The Call - Connecting foster care and adoptive families to children in need. (Arkansas)
  • AdoptUS Kids - Raising public awareness and providing resources for both states and families who are hoping to adopt or foster children.
     

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

  1. What is your opinion on how much or how little some parents share of their kids online?
     
  2. Regardless of whether or not you are a parent now, can you remember visualizing yourself as a mom or dad when you were little?
     
  3. Have you ever lost a friend because of the addition of kids? (Either yours or theirs.) How did this happen and how did it make you feel?

We're celebrating the official start of summer AND the end of Season Two at our finale party on May 29th!  

Find out how to join us right here and we would LOVE to see you then. 

Rule 032 | Separate Closets Are The Key To A Happy Marriage

You might already know our guests Damien + Grasie from their pop-culture status, but The Peppers simply know them as a couple of fun friends who are always loaded with laughs. Listen in as Jessie + Gerard chat with them about improv comedy, mischievous cats, and that one time when Damien got mad enough to throw a chair. 

CONNECT WITH THE DUO ONLINE:

Find Damien on Twitter / Snapchat / Instagram - @damienfahey
Find Grasie on Instagram / Snapchat / Twitter - @grasiemercedes
(+ be sure to check out her style blog for endless amounts of inspiration!)

Don't Forget: We are headed on vacation together in April and we want YOU to come with us! A group of our fabulous listeners are joining us in Puerto Vallarta next month, and we can already tell that it is going to be EPIC... We have room for just one more couple, so snag your spot and let's hit the beach.

QUICK BITES: 

  • The fun in the FB group included words from Mark the mailman, a fairy-godcouple that sent us on our flea market date, and FINALLY the recipe for Jessie's eggplant tacos.
     
  • Save the Date for our big party in Long Beach on May 29th! The Peppers will be celebrating the wrap of Season Two, and we can't wait kick off the summer together. 
     
  • Damien tells us what it's like to always and forever be "The MTV Guy." (Among other things!)
     
  • Consider this a friendly reminder that your husband might be funnier on twitter than he is in real life.
     
  • Being coupled-up has given this pair a serious advantage on the comedy stage. (More proof of our theory that things are better when we're together!)
     
  • This duo AND their friend Dave Holmes recommend iOWest for improv classes in LA.
     
  • The Faheys biggest fight involved a chair being thrown. But other than that, they hardly ever argue...
     
  • A neo-neat-freak admits she has a problem, and that is the first step. 
     
  • The secret to a happy marriage is most definitely keeping separate closets.
     
  • The collective form of the word "MY" applies to parents, weddings, bedrooms and favorite pets.
     
  • Cats are nearly impossible to control. Cute as they may be, having one at home is not for the faint of heart.
 
Dakota The Narcoleptic Cat

Dakota The Narcoleptic Cat

 
  • The Peppers share about how their first kitten ruined their first Christmas and simultaneously made them an official "dog family."
     
  • Family frames of reference can have a huge impact on marriage roles, and both couples have let strong connections with their parents be a part of their kitchen duties.
     
  • Snapchat Husband Shaming has to be a thing. Is it a thing?
     
  • Art imitates life when Peter + Lois fight for the toaster.

 

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

  1. If you had to choose one, would you be on Team Dog or Team Cat?
     
  2. Have you ever secretly (or not so secretly) re-done a household chore because you didn't like how your partner did it the first time?
     
  3. Can you think of a time when you have ever felt competitive towards your spouse? (Creatively, professionally, playfully, etc.)

Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, sign up for our mailing list and send us a tweet if you have something to share while you listen!

Rule 031 | Strangers Are Just Friends That You Haven't Met Yet

It’s been a while... but this week The Peppers are sharing a "quickie" listener-Q+A episode, and it's all about how they navigate friendships as a married couple. Tune in to hear them chat about prioritizing time for their favorite pals, and how to avoid an acquaintance that sometimes makes you feel like less than yourself.

Don't Forget: We are headed on vacation together in April and we want YOU to come with us! Some of our fabulous listeners are joining us in Puerto Vallarta next month, and we can already tell that it is going to be EPIC... There is room for just one more couple, so snag your spot before registration closes on March 20th.
 

QUICK BITES:

  • Take a listen to Episode 18 to hear us share our play-by-play for making friends with strangers.
     
  • There is tons of fun going on with the Great Love Gang in the facebook group... Come hang out over there!
     
  • We had a blast with The Dluxes last weekend, and it made us SO excited to have them treat our Getaway couples to a complimentary Creative Marriages session in Mexico next month.
     
  • Q1: Do you guys ever have trouble divvying up time between his and her friends? Also, do you feel like you get enough guy-time/girl-time, or do you ever feel guilty needing that?
     
  • Q2: How do you balance time with just the two of us and with other people?
     
  • Q3: How do you deal with your spouse’s friends? Friends from past, new friends, friends you tolerate, friends you love most?
     
  • As promised, here's a link to Jessie’s Pepper Letter about flower + wreaths + faraway friends.
     
  • Anyone up for an in-real-life dinner party? We’re doing some serious daydreaming about this, and will keep you posted as the prepping continues.
     

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

  1. When is the next chance that you and your partner could invite another couple for a double date? 
     
  2. Which of your own friends would your partner choose as their favorite?
     
  3. Have you ever wished you could ask your spouse to stop hanging out with a certain friend?

Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, sign up for our mailing list and send us a tweet if you have something to share while you listen!

Rule 018 | Cute Haircuts Are The Way To A New Friend's Heart

This week, The Peppers learn a few do’s and don’ts of connecting with strangers. Jessie finds out why hot-shotting in a different language can easily end up in embarrassment, and then explains to Gerard how generous compliments are an easy way to break the ice with new friends. 

THIS WEEK’S EPISODE WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY AIRBNB! JOIN US BY LISTING YOUR OWN SPACE ON THE SITE, AND NEW USERS WILL GET A $25 CREDIT TOWARDS YOUR NEXT ADVENTURE.

QUICK BITES:

  • We are so grateful to Sprint for making our On The Road tour possible! Be sure to check out the special highlights of our trip as we share them over on their feed, and follow along with styleandpepper on snapchat for more fun clips of our behind the scenes. ;)
  • RSVP to our PHX event and you'll be there to listen as we record the Season One finale!
  • In October, The Peppers are heading to Guatemala with Unbound, and we would love to encourage our community to consider finding their own sponsored friend!
  • Gerard’s Spanish immersion program was wonderful and he would recommend it to anyone.
  • Jessie reflects on the breakdown she experienced after getting braces for the fourth time in a row.
  • Duolingo FEELS like just another fun game on your phone, but has actually been a super helpful way for us to brush up on our Spanish.
  • Pepper-bestie Sara B was met by twinning with Jessie in the same pair of jeans.
  • This week’s episode was brought to you by Airbnb! Join us by listing your own space on the site, and new users will get a $25 credit towards your next adventure. 

 

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

  • What is the longest amount of time you’ve ever spent away from your partner? How did that experience affect your communication as a whole?
  • What’s the craziest way that you’ve ever started up a conversation with a new friend?
  • Would you ever consider hosting travelers in your own home?