Mental Health

Rule 073 | Sympathy Pains Can Lead To Sympathy Problems

ep 073 sympathy pains a.jpg

This week, Gerard + Jessie learn that sympathy pains can extend from partner to partner, as well as from person to pet. Appliance anxiety causes destruction at Casa de Pepper and the whole family is shocked that no one actually got shocked. Depression isn’t always easy to talk about, but it’s important to tell your spouse how you feel for the sake of boosting the overall (mental) health of the marriage.

Thanks to PrepDish, Thrive Market + Amazon for making this episode possible! Click right here to learn more about our sponsors and head to our site for more info about how to support the show.


QUICK BITES:

  • Jessie and Sadie suffer from sympathy pains in everything from back pain to misophonia to general anxiety.

  • We are trying to figure out the best ways to keep our girl calm, and these herbal pills and CBD drops are starting to help. We loved this podcast episode about separation anxiety and are thinking about getting Sadie a thundershirt for any noisy holiday nights.

  • Jessie is pumped about the new Thrive Market clean wines + Gerard gets on board with the sustainable meat + seafood section!

  • Sadie’s anxiety started with Summer fireworks, but we’re hoping that it stops at the infamous attack of our air conditioning unit.

  • The Peppers try to decide if electricity can scramble someone’s mental health. Are there any scientists in the audience who would like to weigh in?

  • Jessie shares about her struggles with anxiety + depression and wants the Gang to know that they can find hope in healing. Three things that have helped with her own personal progress: Studying self awareness, designing her life around alignment, and embracing spirituality in a wholehearted way.

  • Please be careful of adverse reactions in pet vaccines! This has happened to us twice, and thankfully never resulted in the loss of any furbabies. (A related warning to our local friends: Don’t EVER take your animals to the Long Beach ER Vet on PCH + Ximeno.)

  • Jessie’s new Amazon-fueled guilty pleasures: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and sugar-free dark chocolate chips.

  • A Henri Nouwen quote that is encouraging us this week: “As soon as we feel at home in our own house, discovering the dark corners as well as the light spots, the closed doors as well as the drafty rooms, our confusion will evaporate and our anxiety will diminish and we will then become capable of creative work.” -- From The Wounded Healer.

  • The podcast Jen Gotch is OK… Sometimes is a great resource if you’d like to listen to someone share their personal experience, and she also gives tons of info and resources about mental health.

  • For anyone who’s been told, “If you’re sad, just pray about it,” we are here to assure you that God is fully ready and willing to sit with you in your pain. Jessie has taken a deep look at how her sense of spirituality helps her operate in the world, and this approach has made a significant difference in her overall wellbeing.

  • Gerard describes his experience of worry and stress and how they both pertain to his own emotions. There are distinct differences between anxiety and depression, especially when it comes to clinical and situational settings.

  • Knowing how to support your partner during a difficult time is the key to pulling through the depths together, in one piece. Jessie learns that her attempt at coaching Gerard is not always well-received, so The Peppers get honest about what either one wants when they happen to be feeling low.

  • Jessie is a big fan of practicing gratitude daily and has evidence to show as to why it helps keep anxiety at bay. TLDR: Filling your brain with good stuff will leave less room for the things that brings you stress.

  • This week’s MIF Mailbag highlights a listener question about how to support your spouse during a bout of depression… Gerard relies on something that we call “redirection” and it’s become a very effective tool to help pull someone out of a funk.

  • Distraction Disclaimer: This is not the same as avoiding or ignoring your problems, and it’s far more about giving the other person the choice to get pulled out of their “well” as you help them climb up to safety.

  • The bottom line is that asking your partner, “What do you need in this moment?” is often the best way to find out which way to go next.

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

1.) Do you ever get sympathy pains when your partner is uncomfortable?

2.) Have you ever tried a gratitude practice? Do you believe that it would help you in a moment of stress?

3.) What do you typically want or need from your spouse when you’re feeling down in the dumps?

Rule 072 | Your Memory Might Not Be As Strong As You Think

marriage and memory MIF 072a.jpg

This week, The Peppers learn that it’s hard to claim accuracy if you can’t quite remember the details. Gerard admits to correcting Jessie more than he should and Jessie admits that she only exaggerates when it’s truly necessary.

Thanks to PrepDish, Thrive Market + RXBAR for making this episode possible! Click right here to learn more about our sponsors and head over to our site for more info about how to support the show.

EXTRA NOTE: We are donating all of the profits from this episode to the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. Feel free to join us if this cause is also near to your heart!

QUICK BITES:

  • Jessie is closely following the career of Brian Williams. His career may be tarnished, but her admiration is unwavering.

  • Check out the clip of that fateful Letterman episode here. (Jessie cannot watch without hiding her eyes.)

  • Sneak a peek of the new photos we took with Christa and be sure to check out her work if you’re local!

  • The Peppers cannot seem to agree on the details of how they met. Is this a case of basic stubbornness or simply the fading memory of an avid storyteller?

  • Gerard listened to a podcast about memory that is making him question his “flashbulb moments.” This discussion causes both Peppers to ponder how our memories change as we get farther away from them.

  • Envelopes = danger. Licking them is a sticky business.

  • Alzheimers is a real bitch. Donate here to support research for a cure. We’re giving all the proceeds from this episode and would love to have you join us!

  • Listen to Malcolm Gladwell’s “Free Brian Williams” episode of Revisionist History.

  • The Notebook opened the floodgates of Jessie’s tearducts and Gerard has been puzzled about this for the past 13 years.

MIF MAILBAG:

This week we share tips about moving houses with your spouse! Hiring movers, how to pack, and who to call when you’re up to your ears in boxes.

Listen to past episodes about furniture and purging for extra suggestions and we’ll try to share a house tour over on instastories soon!

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

  1. How long do you have to know somebody before you consider them a true friend?

  2. Do you and your partner agree on all the details of your wedding? Guest count, dinner menu, playlist, etc?

  3. Can you remember what your partner was wearing the first time you both met?

Rule 039.5 | Talking About Sex Makes It Even Better (Part II)

Part II of the sex series on Marriage is Funny! Gerard and Jessie share their thoughts on important things like abstinence, foreplay, and experimenting in the bedroom. The Peppers are joined by expert Kate McCombs, and her wisdom continues to inspire the Great Love Gang to be more intentional toward intimacy. (Be sure to listen to Episode 39 for Part I with Kate!)

Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, and send us a tweet if you have something to share while you listen!

QUICK BITES:

  • Q1: My husband says he isn’t a kissing guy, but I need foreplay in order to have sex. How can I fulfill his needs without making him do something that he doesn’t want to do?

  • Cooking is like sex. Creativity and variety are two ways to be very good at it.

  • AASECT.org is a great resource for finding a sex therapist that you can visit with your partner.

  • Jessie’s adventures in finding a counselor continue to be entertaining. (You may notice that Ep 9 in Season One is starting to sound familiar.)

  • Q2: How can we build up more courage in the bedroom? Is there an easy way to tell my partner I think they are boring in bed?

  • Creating a “sex lab” could be the best way to start experimenting in the bedroom... Check out Kate's article about how to set the mood in your own home.

  • Q3: Is there a right way or a wrong way to suggest the use of toys and tools?

  • Never break the laws of bad sexual etiquette... The pleasure of your partner matters just as much as your own.

  • Gerard and Jessie were sure to park in the back when they drove to the sex shop in Episode 20.

  • Q4: What do I do when my husband wants it and I don’t? Is faking it ok?

  • It’s important to tell our partners exactly when and how they’ve blessed us in order to build up their "cushion" when times are good.

  • Q5: How can I initiate sex when I know my partner doesn’t feel like it?

  • Kate explains the difference between justification vs clarification when it comes to turning down your partner when they’re making a move.

TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

  1. What is the most surprising thing that your partner has ever done in bed?
  2. When was the last time you talked to your partner about sex? When was the last time you talked to someone besides your partner about sex?
  3. What was the most intimate moment that you had with your partner this week?

We're celebrating the official start of summer AND the end of Season Two at our finale party on May 29th!  

Find out how to join us right here and we would LOVE to see you then. 

    Rule 039 | When In Doubt, Just Ask A Sexpert (Part I)

    This week, Jessie and Gerard are chatting with Sex & Relationships Expert, Kate McCombs. They excitedly pepper her with a handful of questions submitted by the Great Love Gang, but you'll also hear a tiny bit about their own intimacy adventures as well. (If you enjoy this conversation, be sure to subscribe to Marriage is Funny on your favorite podcast player, and listen in for Part II that will go live on Friday!)

    Don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes, and send us a tweet if you have something to share while you listen!

    QUICK BITES:

    • You guys blew us away with your 70+ responses to our sex survey! Missed the chance to weigh in? Feel free to share your thoughts right here and we’ll do it again if there’s enough interest.
       
    • The Peppers are currently sleeping in separate beds, and Kate confirms that there’s nothing wrong with a good night’s rest.
       
    • Q1: How can a couple make time for sex when they both want it, but one (or both) partners feel tired or blah?
       
    • Kate (figuratively) drops the mic with a helpful tip about reframing the way you set up a sex date.
       
    • Gerard blurts out his own secret idea for how he setting the scene in order to get busy.
       
    • Q2: How can someone overcome the challenge of painful sex?
       
    • The best lube is made from Good Clean Love. (And that's probably the only thing about us that you’ve never wanted to know.)
       
    • Finding the right Dr. or physical therapist should be the first step towards treating painful sex… Check the National Vulvodynia Association to find a practitioner near you.
       
    • Q3: I like making love, but can rarely get myself to make the first move. How am I supposed to initiate sex when I never feel horny?
       
    • The book Come As You Are by Emily Nagaski is next up on The Peppers “to read” list.
       
    • Q4: I’m anxious about having sex, and we hardly do it anymore. How can I get back to actually craving physical intimacy with my husband (as much as I used to)?
       
    • Q5: How does hormonal birth control have an impact on a women’s libido?
       
    • Q6: What are some ways to try and reverse a low libido?
       
    • Q7: Is there any way to intensify a man’s orgasm?
       
    • Q8: How can my partner and I climax at the same time?
       
    • Kate confirms that eight out of every 10 women need clitoral stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm.
       
    • Jessie and Gerard read YOUR sex-related wish-list in a rapid fire succession.
       
    • In many cases, having a conversation about what you want out of sex can actually feel more intimate than actually having sex.
       
    • Q9: What are some ways we bring up sex with our partner without making things awkward.
       
    • Start small and share things that give you some context for your chats! Kate's website is a great resource and we love her rundown of how to add more empathy to your everyday. 

    TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

    1. Name one thing that tends to "press down on the brakes" of your sexual desire.
    2. What is your favorite (most optimal) time of the day to have sex?
    3. Describe your experience of sex-education (either at home or school) from when you were young.

    We're celebrating the official start of summer AND the end of Season Two at our finale party on May 29th!  

    Find out how to join us right here and we would LOVE to see you then. 

    Rule 009 | Use Caution When Pouring Your Heart Out to a Narcoleptic

    The Peppers start in on the topic of cell phones, and end up talking about Jessie's hurt feelings instead. Gerard insists his attention is just a glance away, but Jessie explains the feelings of being replaced by his addiction to Angel's Baseball. Instead of trying to continually check-in on what the world is experiencing, they seek to experience the world together. Jessie explains her belief in the importance of therapy, and Gerard is very in touch with his feelings about it being an extremely expensive hobby.

    QUICK BITES:

    • New feature alert! Our upcoming listener Q+A won’t work unless you send in your questions… email them to jessie [at] styleandpepper [dot] com or use this handy form. (Please include specific details, and whether or not you'd like to remain Anon.)
       
    • We passed an exciting milestone at MIF Headquarters this week… No, Gerard did not finally win the Powerball. (But he does plan to keep playing.)
       
    • Jessie accidentally hi-jacks G’s original topic, and he never quite gets his groove back.
       
    • Diving into bed early to spend time together does not have the effect that either of us had hoped for.
       
    • Gerard claims that Jessie is only ever a glance away, but glances are a lot harder to come by when there is a baseball game to tweet about.
       
    • Caution: Deleting the social media apps from your phone MAY cause a nervous tick to occur. Plus, if you don't have twitter installed, you won't be able to follow along with our attempts at humor.
       
    • Settling in to the sounds of silence is the best way to prevent a relapse to addiction. (See: Episode #2)
       
    • Our phones prevent us from really feeling like we’re experiencing things together, because we end up checking in to see what the rest of the world is experiencing instead.
       
    • Gerard + Jessie share a few tips for managing phone-time while you’re spending quality time with your partner. (Hint: It DOESN’T involve keeping the mobile device locked away in a drawer.)
       
    • Jessie requests permission to seek professional help for her mental and emotional health. Gerard makes an argument for why watching HGTV together could be just as therapeutic as the real thing.
       
    • The psychologist around the corner should have been a guest on Episode #6. Yet another vote for the growing list of supporters on #TeamNap.
       
    • When the budget feels too tight to seek professional help? Don’t forget about flex spending and long talks with good friends
       
    • If your partner has resistance when it comes to joining you on “the couch,” Gerard’s suggestions might help them feel better about the fear-filled unknown.


    TRIGGER QUESTIONS:

    • Have you ever gotten your feelings hurt by being “replaced” with a mobile device?
       
    • What are some existing technological boundaries that have worked well for your own relationship? (Share them right over here!)
       
    • Is there anything that could become a shared activity, where you use your phone to enjoy it together?
       
    • Do you view therapy an expensive hobby or important investment? 
       

    As we mentioned in the show, next week is going to be HUGE!

    Stay tuned for the big news, and come chat with us over in the facebook group until then!